inappropropriate initial response
Healthy minds was supposed to offer an intervention to avoid crisis. Our doctor and I (his wife) were sufficiently concerned that some form of therapy/intervention was important rather than just pills. After approaching our family GP my husband bravely with support but greatly distressed put into words how he was feeling. He cries practically every day currently but is far from a weak character. Usually charismatic, bubbly & extrovert, he described a pit of despair - how he had imagined ending things by smashing his car on the motorway, how he felt worthless, desperate and a let down to his family. To know him and see this change is frightening; a man who normally holds down a professional role, is active and has worked hard & in the past has served his county and is by nature a proud ex-services vet'. Recent events, illness, family circumstances, a traumatic accident and the loss of his mother in the last year has taken its toll, with a lot of pressure to continue to perform and meet targets at work, his job is now under threat. After a self assessment form, and initial phone call, my husband who is the last to ask for help, was relieved; it seemed he would get counselling and support. This was an important step psychologically. Then, another phone call later (which incidentally happened whilst my husband was in the GP surgery despite him saying it was difficult to talk) and a letter was sent stating 'you have been discharged from the service'. bearing in mind there has been no face to face, it simply enclosed a number of self help books. This day was a desperate day - my husband was convinced he wasn't worth the bother and what was the point of anything, it was just as he thought - there was no way out! Having admitted to some very disturbing and upsetting thoughts, he now felt utterly abandoned, as a family we felt helpless and scared, watching this unfold. As a health professional I know the signs but this is not my field and all I saw was someone crying out for help, finally admitting to symptoms of mental health problems but having nowhere to turn to. After taking advice and an emergency phone call to speak to our GP my husband contacted healthy minds again. He said how he felt, how the letter made him feel and has now been told he is 'back in the system' and actually this has now worked in his favour as he would be 'fast tracked'. Quite how someone can say that I do not know. You can't play with people lives like this and no one in this situation should have the added stress of feeling they have to fight to get help. When dealing with fragile, broken people, careful thought is required about who might benefit from self-help books. He received multiple books, from how to cope with phobias to what to do if you feel you might be depressed. At the moment he can't even concentrate to read the newspaper and his problems certainly do not stem from a phobia! Apart from the waste of resource - I do not think it takes an expert to work out my husband is depressed, ticking boxes in a book is pointless. The doctor thinks this is a severe case and has recommended help, so to then send a booklet saying 'if you have gloomy thoughts see you GP' is an insult and frankly inappropriate. This has added to the distress and anxiety my husband is going through. I realise services are stretched but this is no excuse- thankfully my daughter and I, with support from the wider family have been there to provide support. However, when professional help is needed and requested based on a medical diagnosis it is for a reason. I dread to think how this may have ended differently if my husband had read the letter alone and hadn't been able to contact someone when he needed. Thankfully our GP is excellent and called him back promptly, he had a long phone conversation which helped. My husband was very serious when he said no one cares - what do I have to do to get help, will I only get if I do attempt something is that how these things work? I hope our experience from hereon improves. People at Healthy Minds should know better and realise how difficult it is for a people like my husband to reach the point of admitting help is needed and how difficult and frightening it is for the immediate family watching the person they love seemingly fall apart, behave differently and who want to stop this downward spiral. When I initially called and asked for advice and what to do if I felt things were in crisis I was told to take him to A&E or call Samaritans. I hope never to have to take him or find him in A&E because it will mean the system has failed.